Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
