I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
