Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
