Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
