i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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