Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
