she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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