he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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