(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
