She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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