I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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