I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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