I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
