they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
