Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she peed on how many people?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
