pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
