dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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