UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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