I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
