How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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