Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
