plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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