Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
