Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
