Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
