Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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