You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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