Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
