I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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