It's like God shit irony all over that family
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
