just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
