No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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