Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
