i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
