My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
