the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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