She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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