Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
