i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Drake has all the answers
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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