I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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