I need to stop coming to work sober
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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