I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
