Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
