thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
