My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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