So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
