Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
