Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
