No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is Oprah even human
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
