Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
