i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She even gives head with a lisp.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
