A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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